What is it about peeing that makes it so uncomfortable to discuss amongst friends? During the hours I have spent online, I have discussed the most bizarre aspects of my life with perfect strangers and yet I cannot discuss peeing with my friends? Well tonight - I am turning over a new leaf. I am going to shout from the top of the highest mountain (or tallest computer chair) "I'm a pee-er and I'm proud! It's what I do!" (I am also egotistic - just ask Blake. He'll tell you! I am!)
I recently served two tours of duty at local hospitals. I haven't figured it out yet but a highlight of concern during any hospital stay is your urine output regardless of the reason for your visit. Kidney failure, intestinal flu, broken toe, ingrown eyelash, bad perm job, you name it - they want to know about your urine output. Now at least in my case - there was some area for concern but we won't go into that.
During my first hospital stay at this little po' dunk county hospital, I received the most fabulous care. These people did not miss a beat. They were there during pre-op offering humor and encouraging words, soothing me after it was all over and bending over backwards to meet my every need during the course of my stay. Sure they were focused on my urine output but they were focused on everything else too.
My second stay was at a much larger hospital, one specializing in cancer treatment, and was just ranked 11th in the nation. (I now ask - for what?) While I can't say enough about the knowledge at this institution, the human side of it could stand a little improvement. The second day of my stay - not even twenty four hours after they filleted my abdomen, turned many organs into chop suey, took some out to reheat later, tossed the remainders around for a side seaweed salad, and then stapled me back together like a brown paper carry out bag from a Chinese restaurant - they "forgot" to give me pain medicine for 9 hours and then spent the next 2 hours looking for it as the pharmacy was out. This is a cancer hospital for Christ's sake. They deal with people in pain every day. They ran out of pain medication? They ran out of morphine? *But I digress.*
As I said, the human side of this place could use a little revamping. But boy were they interested in my pee. Now I had to call them every time I felt pain - but like clockwork, they would show up to collect my pee without any reminders from me. As I previously stated - I'm a pee-er. I drink lots and I pee lots. And they were charting this furiously. Sometimes staff members would show up to register the new amount right after another one had literally just left. The third or fourth day, a nurse's aide arrived on the heals of my assigned nurse and became very agitated when she could not find any glorious yellow urine to measure in the upside down sombrero they put on the toilet. She ran out of the bathroom in a huff inquiring as to why I had no samples for her. I tried to explain that my nurse had JUST come in and measured it but that did not seem to satisfy her needs. She looked at me and asked "Did you pee in the shower?" I have been asked alot of questions before but I don't ever remember anyone asking me this one. I hesitated for second, looked in shock at my Mother and Sister who were sitting in the room with me, laughed and said yes. Yes - I peed in the shower. I'm a pee-er and I'm proud. It's what I do.
It flashed me back to another period in my life and another moment I found particularly amusing. I was dating this guy and we really enjoyed taking showers together. Not golden showers - regular ol' "hop in the tub and let the water trickle down" showers. We enjoyed showering together so much, we would take showers even when we didn't need them. One day, I found myself in the shower with him and had to pee. So I did. Apparently, I had never done this before as he totally flipped out when he looked down and realized I had just peed. Again, not on him, I just kinda let it go - like men do with farts in guys' public restrooms. (Don't pretend you don't. I have inside information.) He hopped out of the shower and ran like I was some type of freak. As it turns out, I should have let him keep running but that will be another blog. His actions left me kinda baffled. Was he aware that pee is sterile? Drinking your own urine is actually a survival tactic used in the military and other organizations. And while I have never partaken of my own urine, let me be the first to admit that if I ever got stuck in a situation where I was unable to get any safe fluids to drink, I sure will drink my own pee. I have a choice of life or death and I am going to choose death because I don't want to drink my own pee? PLEASE!
So here is my question to you. Is peeing in the shower that unnatural? Am I the only one who does it? Should I hang my head in shame because I do? (I'm not going to but just curious if I should. I've never really been one to follow the rules.)
I'm a pee-er and I'm proud! It's what I do!
Stay tuned for a future blog on tales of peeing on hikes. And I warn you - you may need to break out the Depends for this one because you will be laughing so hard you will pee your pants - or at least want to. : )
